Are You Angry? Are You Aggressive? Are You Cynical?

Do you find yourself becoming angry at the simplest little thing? Like a moronic, idiotic car driver trying to take your place on the freeway?

Do you become aggressive when you talk with someone and can’t get a word in sideways or edgewise – no matter how hard you try?

Do you think you are being cynical when you discover no one else really can do the job as well as you?

Before I tell you how to score your answers, let’s make sure we are on the same page with regard to what these three components of hostility mean.

Anger – the tendency to respond with anger, irritation or annoyance when faced with life’s frustrations.

“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers

Aggression – the tendency to express your anger, either physically or verbally.

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” – Ambrose Bierce

Cynicism – a mistrusting attitude toward people’s motives and a tendency to be constantly on guard against the misbehavior of others.

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” – Malachy McCourt

Now you can take a very simple test and learn just how angry, aggressive and cynical you really are. No matter what anyone says.

Take out a sheet of blank paper and write the numbers one to fifteen vertically. Then read each statement below and select either answer ‘a’ or answer ‘b’ and write that letter next to the number.

Choose only one answer, a or b, for each statement. Do not analyze; go with your first thought.

1) You are standing in line at the busy express checkout at your supermarket. A large sign reads: “No more than 10 items, please.”

a. There are a number of shoppers in line ahead of you so you check your phone for text messages, or pick up a magazine from the nearby rack to pass the time.

b. You glance around at the other shoppers in the line to see if anyone has more than 10 items.

2) Your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend says he/she plans on buying you a birthday present.

a. You would really prefer a gift card so you could select your birthday gift yourself.

b. You like being surprised.

3) Someone is speaking very, very slowly in a conversation with you.

a. You are apt to finish that person’s sentences.

b. You are apt to listen until he or she finishes.

4) Someone treats you unfairly.

a. You usually forget it rather quickly.

b. You will probably keep thinking about it for hours.

5) The person who cuts your hair trims off more than you wanted.

a. You tell him or her what a lousy job he or she did.

b. You realize it will grow back and decide to give more specific instructions next time.

6) You are riding as a passenger in the front seat of a car.

a. You take the opportunity to enjoy the scenery.

b. You try to stay alert for any obstacles ahead.

7) At times, you have to work with incompetent people.

a. You make a serious effort to concentrate on your part of the job.

b. Having to put up with incompetent people ticks you off.

8) Someone bumps into you in a store.

a. You dismiss it as an accident.

b. You feel irritated at the other person’s clumsiness.

9) Someone is hogging the conversation at a party.

a. You look for an opportunity to put him or her down.

b. You soon move to another group.

10) There is a really important job to be done.

a. You prefer to do it yourself.

b. You are apt to call on your friends or co-workers for help.

11) Someone criticizes something you have done.

a. You feel annoyed.

b. You try to decide whether the criticism is justified.

12) Another driver swerves ahead of you in traffic.

a. You usually flash your lights or honk your horn.

b. You stay farther behind such a driver and look carefully for another available lane.

13) You see a very overweight person walking down the street.

a. You wonder why these people have so little self-control.

b. You think that person might have a metabolic defect or psychological problem.

14) There have been times when you were very angry with someone.

a. You have always been able to stop short of hitting that person.

b. You have, on occasion, shoved or pushed that person.

15) You recall an event that angered you previously.

a. You feel angry all over again.

b. The memory doesn’t bother you nearly as much as the actual event did.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain

Questions 4, 7, 8, 11 and 15 measure anger – the tendency to respond with anger, irritation or annoyance when faced with life’s frustrations.

If you answered two or more of these statements with the responses below, your anger level may be high:

4-B … 7-B … 8-B … 11-A … 15-A

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ” – Buddha

Note: Buddha may have borrowed that quote from Bruce Lee (see “Interview with Bruce Lee“).

Questions 3, 5, 9, 12 and 14 measure aggression – the tendency to express your anger, either physically or verbally. If you answered two or more of these statements with the responses below, you may have a tendency to be aggressive.

3-A … 5-A … 9-A … 12-A … 14-B

“If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot. ” – Korean Proverb

Questions 1, 2, 6, 10 and 13 measure cynicism – a mistrusting attitude toward other people’s motives and a tendency to be constantly on guard against their misbehavior.

If you answered two or more of these statements with the responses below, your cynicism level may be high:

1-B … 2-A … 6-B … 10-A … 13-A

I would be remiss if I didn’t include fourteen behaviors you can avoid or stop doing when you get angry. If you work on avoiding these behaviors, you can resolve your anger without hurting others or yourself. Promise!

1. Stop speaking. Silence is the first behavior to practice when you are angry. It shows you are in control of your anger.
2. Stop staying angry. If your anger is stronger than 5 on a scale of 1 to 10, declare a time-out. Leave the situation until you or the other person is back in control.
3. Stop staring. Staring at another person inflames your anger. Look at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere else, but not directly at the person.
4. Stop interrupting. This is a corollary of staying silent.
5. Stop cursing. Profanity only increases tension.
6. Stop threatening.
7. Stop name-calling.
8. Stop yelling.
9. Stop pointing.
10. Stop sarcasm and mocking. These behaviors that some see as clever can be hurtful and humiliating.
11. Stop throwing things.
12. Stop non-affectionate touching. Do not touch, hold, push or shove anyone else while you are angry.
13. Stop sighing. Non-verbal behavior includes sighing, chuckling, or rolling your eyes and has the power to hurt or humiliate another person.
14. Stop criticizing.

Why is it so necessary to learn to control your anger? Because anger is like a speeding freight train running out of control and about to derail. Anger that is out of control will drive away those you love the most, as well as endanger your daily normal existence.

So now you are free to follow the precepts of Mahatma Gandhi: “Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.”

Or perhaps those of Phyllis Diller: “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

© Copyright BJ Rakow 2011. All rights reserved. Author, “Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain’t So”